It's semestral break. But then again, I can't feel it. There's this nagging feeling that I have something else to do or that there was something I missed out. You see, after the kind of semester I had, one cannot expect me to return to normal. No, never ever again. It's just not possible for my old self to come back again. That old self being someone who can sit and do nothing for a whole day and not study and not think about anything. I can't do that anymore. I guess, that's what UP and CAMP does to you. You turn your back from the days when you were delinquents and look forward to a life of hard work and perseverance. One that will remind you day in and day out that being smart is not enough for you to survive, you have to be it all. You have to be, in my friend Micole's words, "a phenomenal man or woman". You have to be able to make the right decisions, the right choices; you have to stand up and shake it off when you fall; you have to act like you're alright when in reality you want to cry already; you have to be strong and strive hard; you have to like what you're doing and you have to be passionate. Being smart or lucky is not enough for you to survive life in UP. You have to be it all. But unfortunately, I cannot be it all. I can only try. And I can only push myself, I can only do what I'm capable of. And I can only PRAY for the best.

(so that about sums it all up..my first semester in second year and how i do not want to relive it ever again. and how I am still hanging by a thread, dangling for life)

***** (in other news)

My Friendster shout-out right now says "sometimes, ending up together is not the best thing..." and that's actually true. I have learned that now. You see, I have always been a mamon and all of my friends know it. I have always believed in happily ever afters and of happy endings, I always believed that life was a fairytale and I am one of its many princesses waiting for my prince charming. But life is not a fairytale, and I am most certainly not a princess. So I gave up. Yes, I gave up. I gave up on the waiting. It's not because I don't believe in happy endings anymore, it's just that I know that it's not going to happen to me. At least not now.

You see, I have come to the conclusion that boys are really stupid, no matter how smart they may seem academically. They all have this little bit of stupidity in them that can never go away. That's the reason why they don't say the right things, they don't do the right things, they don't see the right things and they don't feel the right things. They suck, in general. I'm sure that every male reader that I have right now is violently screaming "FOUL", well, it's the same reaction we get when we read how you label the female species as "maarte and irrational". That's just how things go, we don't understand each other, we were never meant to understand each other. And that's the main reason why I gave up. Because I can't understand anymore...and I am too tired to try AGAIN.

So that's why my shout-out's like that...still unclear to you? Well, you see, I did fall in love recently and I tried my best to shake the stone that I fell in love with. But all my efforts did not pay off. I gave up. Of course, there was a lot of bitterness inside me at first and I kept on sour graping and I kept on rambling and ranting, but then I decided to stop that too. So I spent the last two months not thinking about him and keeping myself busy. Now that I have nothing to do, I finally had the time to look back and think back. And in the painful process of reminiscing, I realized that ending up together is not necessarily the best thing in the world. I think that if we did, we would only be fighting and that would've caused everybody so much more pain. But because we didn't, everybody was spared from that. And when I think about it, the process of falling in and falling out of love was the best experience I could have ever had with him. He taught me so much about life and love and of what it really takes to love and what love really means. He taught me how to be more patient, he taught me how to be more humble and he taught me that not everything I want today, I will still want tomorrow. He taught me how pain can be a beautiful thing and how sorrow can make you a better person. He taught me how to be more understanding and more considerate. But most importantly, he taught me that boys at his age are stupid and are immature. And that's a whole lot better experience than holding hands or hugging or kissing.