wishing.

belated happy birthday to JR (July 20) and Czar (July 27)

*****

My friends and I hanged out at the GAB (Gusaling Andres Bonifacio) Cafe today during our regular one and a half hour break before Math1. It was like the normal "passing the time" thing for us, basically filled with laughter and kwento and jokes. It was one of those typical things we have regularly to pass the time, nothing really big. Just laughs over fish balls, squid balls and kikiam. And today, we talked about our wishes and wishing and the ways on how to make one's wishes come true. Maicolf said that all her wishes came true after she prayed hard, to all the angels and the Saints, might I add. Miggy, on the other hand, talked about how none of his wishes ever came true despite all the efforts he exerted involved in the "wishing process". He has completed all the simbang gabi during Christmas time, trying all the wishing patterns he has heard of, wished on the flying flowers and on fallen eyelashes, but still, none of his wishes came true. We started to joke about how it may be because of Maicolf's name that all the wishes have been granted. ( You see, her name was derived from, "Mary Immaculate Conception", "Our lady of Lourdes", "Our Lady of Fatima".)

I wish too, of course, but none of my wishes came true. Was it because of the intention? A friend of mine was honest enough to say that his intentions were not really good, but what about mine? My intentions were and are still pure...although the my only goal is my own happiness. But is wanting to be happy a crime? Is it wrong to wish for your own happiness? Is it that selfish of me to wish only for my happiness? I never really wished for anything that would make me happy but would make someone else unhappy. But don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm unhappy that I wish for the things that I wish for, but there's this nagging feeling that something's missing in my life and I wish to fill that gap. I just want to look in the mirror and say, "I'm not perfect, I don't have everything, but I'm happy through and through, and that's enough..."

But why do we really wish? Is it because that we all want to be perfectly happy? Is it because we dread the thought of being the saddest person on Earth? Are we all selfish? Are we all unhappy and discontented beings? I think not. It is not all of these that make people wish, we are, of course, surviving very well. I also believe that the more you have, the more you wish for more and that it's not mere greed that's driving people to wish for more; only the greedy think that way. I think that people wish for things because of the comfort it gives them. Yes, the comfort of no matter how twisted and unfortunate your life may be, you can always wish for it to be better. It is not that we expect God to magic our life into the Stepford Wife-ish way, but it is the thought that you can wish for things and it may really come true. I know perfectly well that what I wish for is not something unattainable but is not also easy to acquire. I know that I, in a certain way, have to do my share of that wish. But like every body else in this world, I find comfort in knowing that I can always wish.

****

hey YOU!

You very well know that I don't want you to go anywhere that I can't reach. I think you know that there are a lot of times that I cling to you for support, for comfort and for fun. You know that I love you, and I very well know that you love me too. I know that you will always be my brother by heart. I know that I would be selfish if I would ask you to stay, because I have no other valid reason than what I have written here. I would love it if you would stay. But since I am neither your mom nor your dad, I think that whatever they would want for you would be best for you and your future, and I would never dream of taking away a chance you would have to a better future. I know that you know how I feel about losing each other or drifting apart, you know how it makes me cry. But since this is your life, know always that I will be here for you no matter what and that I will always love you. Our friendship will live on even if we're a million light years away from each other.

Love,
Katrina