To the Sexiest Guitarist Alive:
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!!!!
(i love you and i miss you...)

(ninakaw ko kay je dahil gusto ko ipabasa sa inyong lahat...)

ANG MGA BABAE TALAGA OO by redrope

*gabe. usapang lalake* *sindi ng yosi* *hithit* *buga* Musta na, pare? Ako, okay lang. Eto. Nagmumuni-muni. Nag-iisip. Minsan talaga may mga bagay na hindi ko maintindihan. Ewan ko ba. *hinga ng malalim* Bakit ba ganun pare, ilang beses ko na pinag-aralan pero lagi na lang lumalabas na parang kahit `sang anggulo mo tingnan, hindi nagiging patas para sa mga lalake ang ilang bagay pagdating sa pagmamahal. *tingin sa stars* Minsan naiisip ko, alam kaya ng mga babae ang hirap ng lalake na gumawa ng first move para magtapat ng pagmamahal? E yung hirap na dinadaanan sa panliligaw at pagsuyo sa mahal nya? Ang feeling ng masaktan pag nabasted? Malamang-lamang siguro, hindi ano. Wala naman yata silang alam sa mga paghihirap naten e. Ang alam lang ata nila e mamili, manakit, at magsaya. Tingin mo? *tingin sa malayo* Lagi naman ganun. Una pa lang, lalake na ang naghihirap. Hassle saten ang panliligaw pero bago pa yun, kung ano pang diskarte ang gagawin naten para masabi naten sa kanila na mahal natin sila. Alam kaya nila yun? Mahirap magsabi na mahal mo na yung babae, diba? Tapos liligawan pa naten. Patutunayan na mahal nga sila. Susuyuin to-the- max. Maghahatid sa bahay, tutulungan, sasabayan, palalamunin, pagtyatyagaan, lahat na. Kulang na lang e pagsilbihan mo nang walang sahod. At ano ang kapalit? Well, depende sa trip nila. Oo tol, sa trip lang nila. Wala silang pake kesehodang mahal natin talaga sila. Basta ang alam nila, pag di nila tayo trip, isang malaking HINDE ang makukuha naten, kahit umiyak pa tayo ng dugo o lumuhod sa mga asing buu-buo. Para lang silang namimili ng damit na di man lang sinusukat bago ayawan. Kaya kahit mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal natin, sorry tayo. Hindi nila alam kung mahal mo sila. Kailangan mong maabot ang kanilang mga standards o uuwi ka lang na bad trip, iiling-iling, at minsan, luhaan. Wala tayong magagawa, marami silang alibi. "Hindi pa `ko ready eh..", "Sorry pero I think we should just be friends..", "Ha? Uhhmm.. nagpapatawa ka ba? Hahahaha.." "Better luck next time na lang muna, okay lang?", "Give me a decade. Pag-iisipan ko muna..", "Para lang kitang kapatid e..", yaddah yaddah. Isang malaking pagsasaklob ng langit at lupa `yon para saten. *kuha ng bote ng beer* *lagok* *lunok* At hindi lang `yon tol. Sa pre-relationship stage pa lang yon. Pag sinagot na nila tayo, satin pa rin ang hassle. Tayo daw ang mga lalake kaya tayo ang hahawak ng relasyon. Tayo ang aayos kung may gulo; tayo ang dapat magpapakabait; tayo ang magtatyaga; tayo ang magiging devoted at faithful; tayo, tayo tayo. Sila? Ummm… Teka, isipin ko. Ayun. Sila ang magsasabi kung anong oras kayo dapat magmeet; sila ang magtetext ng mga mushy at kabalbalang texts; sila ang magdedemand sayo ng kung anu-ano; sila ang magbabawal; sila ang magsasabi kung kelan ka dapat mag-shave, kung kelan ka pwedeng tumawag sa bahay nila, kung kelan sila di dapat bad tripin dahil meron sila, at kung kelan ka korni. Ewan. Ganun ata talaga. *kuha ng bote ng beer* *lagok* *lunok* Hindi pa yun tapos pare, dahil dapat tayo ang bahala kung ano ang magiging takbo ng relasyon. Pag maganda, edi okay. Pag may problema, kasalanan naten. Haay buhay. Minsan talaga kung tutuusin sakit sila ng ulo. Kaya lang mahal naten kaya di na natin iniintindi yun. *hinga ng malalim* Pero alam mo tol, feeling ko mas sincere pa tayo magmahal sa kanila. Alam mo yun, iba tayo magmahal e. Hindi lang parang laru-laro lang. Seryoso. At kung magmahal man tayo, lubus-lubusan. Mas mature. Hindi yung parang pambata lang gaya nila na kesyo magseselos-selos, iiyak-iyak, iina-inarte, dadradrama, at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi lang kababawan. Ka-mushyhan. Kababaihan. Iba tayo pag nagmahal. *hinga ng malalim* *tingin sa malayo ulit* At ito pa ang pinakamasaklap. *singhot* Ang ending ng relasyon. Sa mga panahong `to, either sawa na sila, hindi na tayo trip, may nahanap na silang better saten, o kaya they need f*cking space and time muna. Bad trip no? Wala na naman tayong choice. Sila ang masusunod. At ano pa ang kasamang hassle don? Syempre wasak na ang imahe naten. Tayo ang lalabas na may kasalanan. Na playboy. Na nagpapaiyak. *iiling* Tayo siyempre ang mga antagonist at sila yung mga bidang inaapi at parang mga pusang iiyak-iyak. Ang ending: mag-ooffer sila ng "friendship" kuno matapos tayong pagsawaan, lahat ng gifts naten nasa kanila, sawi tayo sa pag-ibig, "player" na ang image naten, at higit sa lahat, mag-iisip kung papaano ipagpapatuloy ang buhay. Maiiwan tayong tulala, mag-iisip kung saan nagkamali, mamomroblema sa pag-aadjust sa pagiging single, at di na naman makakatulog. Haay buhay. Ang hirap maging lalake. Lagi ka na lang naiiwan sa ere. Ano? Hindi ka na nagsalita? In-love ka no? Ako, kamusta? Eto. Yoyosi-yosi. Bubuntong-buntong hininga. Titingin- tingin sa bituin. Mumuni-muni. Lalagok-lagok ng alak. Ang mga babae talaga, oo. **** Sa totoong buhay, hindi nagyoyosi ang may-akda. Kasalukuyan siyang may minamahal at naisulat niya ito isang gabing wala siyang magawa.

Ang Mga Lalake Talaga, oo (tugon kay redrope)

Ano ba itong si redrope? Kaming mga babae na naman ang nakita. Lalake, agrabyado. Lalake, kinakawawa. Lalake, hindi maintindihan. Hmmp, parang masyado yatang nagisa ang mga kabaro ko. Tungkol sa pagiging patas sa ngalan ng pag-ibig, kami naman ang laging talo a, hindi kayo. Kami ang laging lugi, kami ang laging nawawalan at iniiwan. Kapag ngumiti ka na ng konti, nag-ayos ng konti pagkakamalan ka nang malandi. Hindi pangseryosohang relasyon. Marinig lang nila na malakas kang magsalita, palengkera ka na. T.O. kagad sa kanila iyon. Mahilig silang tumingin sa mga babaeng sexy manamit, kulang nalang makita na kaluluwa. Pero kapag babaeng seryosohin at gustong ligawan dapat disente, dapat mala-anghel ang mukha, dapat mukhang inosente. Tapos kami pa raw ang mahilig mamili? Parang baliktad yata? Ok, ayan nanliligaw na si lalake. Dapat pakipot ka para suyuin ka, para habulin ka pa lalo. Kapag hindi ka naman nagpakipot "easy to get" naman ang tingin sa iyo. Hindi ka na seseryosohin. Sino bang may sabing magpaalila kayo, di naman namin hawak ang buhay niyo. Natural lang na magtiis kayo, may gusto kayo sa amin eh. Kapag nakuha niyo na iyon wala na lahat ng mga paghihirap niyo, babaliktad na ang sitwasyon kami naman ang mamromroblema. Para lang kayong may gustong bilhin na bagay. Upang mabili ito kailangan munang magsakripisyo, magtipid, magtiis. Pag nabili na at napagsawaan wala na, balewala na. Diyan ka na sa tabi-tabi. Tawagan nalang kita pag trip ko o kaya'y pag may gusto akong ipagawa sa iyo. Ano pa ba? E di sinagot mo na diba. Utang naloob pa natin yun. Dahil naghirap daw sila sa panliligaw dapat masuklian natin iyon ng higit pa. Sa umpisa kailangan malambing ka, maayos at laging magsisilbi sa kanya. Ayaw daw nilang humawak ng relasyon, pero kapag ikaw naman ang nagmando, aba, masasakal naman. Sasabihin pa sa iyo "demanding" ka. Meron ka pang maririnig na "I think we need space" at kung anu-ano pang ek-ek. Sino rin may sabing di dapat kami magpakabait, maging devoted at faithful? Kapag kami ang sumaway niyang mga iyan, iba na ang tingin sa amin. Malandi na kami, haliparot, pakawala, makikay at kung anu-ano pang mga bansag ang itatawag sa amin. Kapag kayo gumawa noon, ok lang. Lalake kayo eh, macho kayo pag ginawa niyo iyon. Kaya kami. Walang magawa. Magpapakaburo at magpapakamadre nalang. Kapag nagloko na kayo ano pa bang magagawa namin? Eh di iiyak nalang. Wala namang ibang magagawa eh. Tungkol naman sa tinatawag niyong pagdedemand namin. Hindi kami nagdedemand! Karapatan lang namin iyon. Karapatan namin na lambingin niyo kami, icheck at ipakita sa amin na mahal niyo kami. Hindi rin ibig sabihin na mas sincere kayo sa amin. Seryoso rin naman kami ah. At ang maturity wala yan sa edad. Mas maaga nga kaming magmature sa inyo. Ang isang 19 year old na lalake eh, isip 15 pa yun. It follows iyan sa lahat ng age group. Mas mataas pa nga kung minsan ang pagbawas ng level of maturity. Kayo na ang mag-math. Pati yung pag-iyak namin pinupuntirya niyo. Kesyo drama daw. Diba kapag umiyak ka nagbuhos ka ng emosyon diyan. Ano tingin niyo sa amin mga artista?! Alam niyo iyon? Yun bang kulang nalang ay lumuha ka na ng dugo, pero hindi ka pa rin papansinin. Sasabihan ka pang tigilan na ang pagdradrama. Hindi nila kami maintindihan kapag nagseselos kami. Bakit naman kami magseselos kung wala kaming nakikita? Mas iba kaming magmahal. Mas masarap. Kapag natapos na ang lambingan, eh di siyempre iwanan blues na. Kami pa raw ang nagsawa, kami pa raw ang nagtritrip lang. Sino ba ang lumalayas kapag may nakita nang bago, sino ba ang mayabang, sino ba ang nagmamalaki? Kami ba? Kami ang walang choice. Kasi ang babae pag sinabing "break na tayo" lambingin lang iyan ng konti balikan blues na iyan. Kapag ang lalake ang umayaw, pucha, bahala ka diyan. Kahit mag-tambling ka pa sa harap niya. Wa-epek. Umiyak ka ng bato. Wa- epek. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Tapos sila pa raw ang kawawa. Post-break up, mahal pa ng babae si lalaki. Sasamantalahin ni lalaki. Magpapagawa ng kung anu-ano. Naaalala ka lang kapag may kailangan sa iyo. Kapag pumangit ka after the break up, magpapasalamat sila na iniwan ka nila. Kapag gumanda ka naman, ipagkakalat nila sa buong sangkatauhan na naging girlfriend ka niya. Sala sa init sala sa lamig talaga. Ano ba namang buhay to? Ang hirap ding maging babae ano. Kala nila laging sila nalang. Lagi rin kaming naiiwan sa ere. In-love din kami. Ang mga lalake talaga, oo.

ME IN MY DREAMS...
(image by: jiro tamase)

******

ME IN REALITY...

UGH. DEMMIT.

hey!

it's been a loooooong time since i last blogged. why? busy. this time, it's no longer a lame excuse i use to get myself out of dates or whatever invites. anyhoot, it's been, what, uhm, 15 days since my last entry. i think it is about time a blogged again. haha. well, my 15 days have been a total rollercoaster, sometimes even hell. (demmit! :o ) it was a combination of never ending academic torture (read: departmentals, reports, quizzes, assignments, running....), a whirlwind of emotions, from happiness to anger to confusion to temporary insanity, and of course total madness, induced mainly by the fact that i am an escaped mental patient. luckily, i have the best blockmates ever, who by all means, are keeping me safe, to much greater extent that usual. iheartmyblockmates. i also have my ever lovable family, who beyond the call of duty, lend me their ears for my silly stories of my even sillier everyday lofe. (okay, i'm starting to make no sense at all.) haha. thanks to jam also, for all the good times and bad times we've shared in a span of two weeks of being BFF's again. iheartyou.

a great shout out to my dearest, sexiest and hottest friend, DANIELLE SIMONE YAP ESCANO and together with vegetarian MICOLE and laughter inducing CZAR we shall say:

SUPER BITCH FULL ON ATTACK MODE!

2:45 am; Chemistry and you

i'm still awake. yes it's 2:45 in the morning. i hafta learn this redox reaction in chemistry that i just can't understand. (that's an understatement by the way.) i really have the lowest chem IQ one can imagine. that's how bad i am. hmm. but it's kinda nice that i have you to keep me company. you'll never know how much comfort you give me. i wish everybody knew that too, so that when they look at you, they won't see someone who's just good looking, but someone who makes me happy inside. i know that despite the fact that i'm not gonna sleep, i will look cute/pretty/whatever tomorrow, because of you. because i feel your love, and that's enough. IHEARTYOU. *kisses*

christmas...new year...a great day.and one of the worsts..

CHRISTMAS PARTEH!

it has been truly the best christmas of my teenage life. our block christmas party (read: venue=valenzuela..oh di ba?!) was the greatest i've ever had! the adventure of going to miggy's oh so remote mansion alone was great fun already. well, i met up with nisan (my inaanak?!) in the LRT2 train, then we walked the long tube connecting LRT2 and LRT1 (i kinda mis that place though), then off we went to monumento, where we were to meet all of our other blockmates. well, we turned out to be early. (our other blocmates turned out almost an hour later pa.) anyway, we then rode the jeepney to miggy's pad. and my gulay! that lousy jeepney druver kept on stepping on the breaks like we were in car chase in action movies! well, my blockmates screamed and screamed, (i frankly think that really ammused manong, though). well, when we got down the jeep (sa may iglesia ni cristo), we practically didn't know where we to go next! (haha!) and here comes girl scout ayen with her map (yes, she brought with her a map!) and we finally had directions on how to get to miggy's place. after walking n meters we were greeted by a waving miggy. (hahaha!!! parang kakandidato!) so there. (haha!! long trip noh!) well, it was worth it, the whole trip was worth it. we had a great christmas party. there was a lot of food, (which is good considering we all eat so much, except for micole) and the videoke was a total blast! O: well, i have more things to put in so i'll bullet the other details na lng..(^-^)

• bunny and i were tigers (basta lahing pusa kami). we wore benjo's gift. czar was a geisha/clown,da was cory aquino lisa simpson pala.
  
• i won the dress your mummy (in pink toilet papers) beating anton and err, i forgot the onther designer. (hahaha!!! take that anton! =p)
• oh, oh, oh, Kuya dan/ kuya bob was there too!!! haha!!! SAYA!!
• anton's BSB stint gave me BSB LSSes for a whole two weeks!!!!
• oh, and people were all sweet, we all had gifts for each other. (iheartmyblockmates!!)

(ihavetorecaltheotherthingsthathappened,i'llgetbackonyouonthis)..

CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!

wow!! this is the best christmas eve i ever had. i spent it with 12 of my favorite persons in the world! apart from the delicious dinner we had and all the bonding moments, it was legal for us to drink and go wild! :o haha!! we almost finished 3 (yes 3) bottles of vodka (hahahaha!!!) and we danced our asses off pa!! haha!!! now who needs to go bar hopping?! well, the drinking and the dancing ended when two of our comrades were down, apart from their occasional trips either to the sink or the bathroom. (yes, drunk and down) so there (haha!!! how exclusive school-ish). it was the second christmas that we spent together, me and my cousins (although jiro's not here anymore) and it was a blast. we had so much gifts for each other and so much love. (iheartmyfamily). i hope every christmas, we'll be together.

NEW YEAR!

my new year was silent. yes, we didn't have firecrackers and it was frankly because of me. i don't like the noise. but we watched a lot of fireworks. (iheartfireworks!) my dad and i cooked, we ate, we slept. that was it. honestly, i like that kind of new year.

********

back to school

one of my greatest days:

hmm..january 4, 2007 marked the first day of classes for this year. as usual, i was very lazy! :o but i went to school anyway. hehe. hmm. well, i saw randel (yes, randel=math11) in the lrt train and we went to school na lang together. hehe. hmm. we had no ling class so we would be out na by 2:30 and we, ehem, agreed on watching a movie (kasal, kasali, kasalo). it was a great decision talaga. i loved the movie. i was laughing my ass off and was having a great time talaga! well, i watched it twice. long story. but it was good din that i was able to watch it again, (mas naintindihan ko). hmm. it was also good to be alone in the cinema with a guy, and his tongue's not in my mouth and there were no hands on either of us except our own , for a change. (haha!!! para bagong buhay talagat di ba?!) long story again. (haha!) hmm. i got home at around 8pm, but i was happy. especially because i didn't see mr.imtoogood.

lousy day:

today, january 5, 2007, was by far one of the lousiest days ever. i was late for a promised rendezvous, we were only able to talk for a few minutes. i really really felt so about that. i never break those kinds of promises! ARGH! and on top of that, I HAD THE WORST HEADACHE EVER. but i didn't want to bother any of my friends kaya i didn't complain na lang. and imagine being called masungit and asked several times why i've been so quiet, or if there's anything wrong or if i were sad?! haha! it's really funny how people notice those kinds of things. i mean. can't i be quiet and snobbish even if it's just for a day?! i have my bouts to. bear with me.oh, and the worst part, by 2:30, i was starting to have a fever. ARGH! AYOKO NA!!!!! demmit!!! i'm so lucky that i have the greatest friends in the world. (hindi ko yata kakayanin itong araw na ito nang wala sila..thanks guys!) hay. i'm just glad this day's over.

******

notes: for those who are wondering.

*i have a new year's resolution to not befriend insensitive asses anymore, so if you're one, be sure you've changed na before you talk to me.

*yes i am sad. i've been sad since the holidays. it's that kind of sadness that keeps coming back to you in the dead of the night, making you cry yourself to sleep every now and then.

*yes i am mad. do i have to explain myself pa? YOU should know why.

*yes i am confused. i have always been confused, and now it got more complicated. maybe i should really follow my first resolution, whihc only da knows.

*no. i don't love him. i hate him so much i could not care less about him anymore.

(note: any questions on the matters stated above may be forwarded to me. only yes or no questions wil be answered. no explanations are to be given. i also reserve the right to abstain form answering questions based on my better judgement)