wishing.

belated happy birthday to JR (July 20) and Czar (July 27)

*****

My friends and I hanged out at the GAB (Gusaling Andres Bonifacio) Cafe today during our regular one and a half hour break before Math1. It was like the normal "passing the time" thing for us, basically filled with laughter and kwento and jokes. It was one of those typical things we have regularly to pass the time, nothing really big. Just laughs over fish balls, squid balls and kikiam. And today, we talked about our wishes and wishing and the ways on how to make one's wishes come true. Maicolf said that all her wishes came true after she prayed hard, to all the angels and the Saints, might I add. Miggy, on the other hand, talked about how none of his wishes ever came true despite all the efforts he exerted involved in the "wishing process". He has completed all the simbang gabi during Christmas time, trying all the wishing patterns he has heard of, wished on the flying flowers and on fallen eyelashes, but still, none of his wishes came true. We started to joke about how it may be because of Maicolf's name that all the wishes have been granted. ( You see, her name was derived from, "Mary Immaculate Conception", "Our lady of Lourdes", "Our Lady of Fatima".)

I wish too, of course, but none of my wishes came true. Was it because of the intention? A friend of mine was honest enough to say that his intentions were not really good, but what about mine? My intentions were and are still pure...although the my only goal is my own happiness. But is wanting to be happy a crime? Is it wrong to wish for your own happiness? Is it that selfish of me to wish only for my happiness? I never really wished for anything that would make me happy but would make someone else unhappy. But don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm unhappy that I wish for the things that I wish for, but there's this nagging feeling that something's missing in my life and I wish to fill that gap. I just want to look in the mirror and say, "I'm not perfect, I don't have everything, but I'm happy through and through, and that's enough..."

But why do we really wish? Is it because that we all want to be perfectly happy? Is it because we dread the thought of being the saddest person on Earth? Are we all selfish? Are we all unhappy and discontented beings? I think not. It is not all of these that make people wish, we are, of course, surviving very well. I also believe that the more you have, the more you wish for more and that it's not mere greed that's driving people to wish for more; only the greedy think that way. I think that people wish for things because of the comfort it gives them. Yes, the comfort of no matter how twisted and unfortunate your life may be, you can always wish for it to be better. It is not that we expect God to magic our life into the Stepford Wife-ish way, but it is the thought that you can wish for things and it may really come true. I know perfectly well that what I wish for is not something unattainable but is not also easy to acquire. I know that I, in a certain way, have to do my share of that wish. But like every body else in this world, I find comfort in knowing that I can always wish.

****

hey YOU!

You very well know that I don't want you to go anywhere that I can't reach. I think you know that there are a lot of times that I cling to you for support, for comfort and for fun. You know that I love you, and I very well know that you love me too. I know that you will always be my brother by heart. I know that I would be selfish if I would ask you to stay, because I have no other valid reason than what I have written here. I would love it if you would stay. But since I am neither your mom nor your dad, I think that whatever they would want for you would be best for you and your future, and I would never dream of taking away a chance you would have to a better future. I know that you know how I feel about losing each other or drifting apart, you know how it makes me cry. But since this is your life, know always that I will be here for you no matter what and that I will always love you. Our friendship will live on even if we're a million light years away from each other.

Love,
Katrina

I WAS SUPPOSED TO RANT

okay, as the title says, "i was supposed to rant". yes i was supposed to rant about how my week seemed like hell, how i never got to eat anything decent after breakfast, how i would sleep so late at night and wake up so early the next day and how i was so stressed about stuff..yes that was supposed to be the whole theme of my blog. but i just couldn't make myself rant about those kind of stuff...why waste effort and blog space for something like that when you have all the wonderful stuff to write about? (which by the way happened in the last two days of the week)

wonderful thing number1:
I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO WATCH TRANSFORMERS!

okay, after two weeks of super mighty longing, i was finally able to watch the transformers, and my gosh was it the best movie ever! i really loved how Shia was funny yet still kind of brave in the whole course of the story. it was really something! (haha!) and oh, thanks to czar for making arrangements. haha! thanks for convincing nikko and exe to come along with us. it was really great fun, especially now that nikko is actually talking to me already. (okay, now...how to break through Exe's wall??? hmmm. think!) and oh, czar, thanks for belting out with me in g-box. i had a great time. with you. you give me more reasons to smile. (yes naman!)

wonderful thing number 2:
I GOT TO WATCH HARRY POTTER!

okay, this was a wonderful thing for many reasons. first off, i really liked the movie. it was not as exciting as the goblet of fire but it gave justice to the book, and it served its purpose, i believe. it was a transitional thing for harry and so i was not really expecting that much from it. haha. okay, the person i was with during the movie deserves his own part in this blog entry so i would not discuss anything further about him. hehe. except the fact that i have a crush on him. (shhh! don't tell anyone that). so read on if you want more "chismis" about me.

wonderful thing number 3:
I GOT TO HANG OUT WITH THE BEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND THE PARTY WAS GREAT!

okay. need i say more? haha. the title speaks for itself right? i love being a CAMPer. i love CVC.

*****

okay, now comes the part most of my readers would want to know and would be most interested in. "the movie buddy". hmm, until this time, i would like to clear out that it was not really a date. it was more of an, uhm, movie gimick between two friends. it was not a "date". i paid for my own ticket, he paid for his. (i don't like it when guys pay for things). so because i have been asked oh so many times how we got to know each other, the story goes like this...when we were in first year, we had an FBC (freshmen block coordinator) who is his blockmate. i was introduced to him by this FBC. it was really not a big deal for me, at that time i was madly in love with their other blockmate. so there...during the second semester, we had classes which were on the same floor of GAB (gusaling andres bonifacio), and it was scheduled right after lunch time, so we got to talk every once in a while along the corridors. it was then that i started to notice that he was quite cute. (haha! block crush! haha.) well, actually, he is the epitome of whatever that is to be considered cute. then i got his number from somewhere (i could not actually remember where or from whom, but bottom line is that i got it) then after that we sort of started texting each other every once in a while. so one time, when i was really desperate to watch the transformers, i invited him (i didn't exactly understand why it was him that i chose invite), but unfortunately he didn't have the time and he said "Nxt tym nlng..Cguro ung upcoming movie k nlng n harypoter5.." so there, of course at first i thought it was a joke (no way was i watching a movie with this guy! super in my dreams!) but then i finally mustered the courage to ask him if he was serious about the harry potter thing. at first he didn't quite give me a straight answer, but something inside of me wanted his invitation to be serious. so there, on friday, July 13, 2007 (wow friday the 13th pala yun noh?!) he suddenly texted me that we watch the movie na. with the words "ngaun n"..so there, we watched the 1:45-4:00 screening. and all i can say is..."happy happy joy joy"..anyway, i'll write about him soon..let's all cross our fingers that this would not be the first and last time. (i really like him now)..

*****

dear you,

would you please please tell me what you feel? it's kind of hard to play the guessing game with you, especially since it involves feelings that can be misinterpreted most of the time. so please please tell me how you feel. i beg of you. okay, you can just show me signs if you don't want to say it. please make it clear..and soon.

sincerely,
me.

*****

dear harry potter,

thank you so much. i don't know why but, thank you. and oh, let's see if your thesis hypothesis is really true. and if all those reading would really pay off and would work (on me?!). haha! i know i agreed to be your thesis subject but please please draw the line between what is real and what is not. i wouldn't want to go around falling in love when it's all make believe in your world. i know that this is just a little thing, but i would really appreciate it if we would make things clear between us. we are friends right? and i'm happy with that already. i like you, yes i really do, but i wouldn't want to get hurt so there. i know i'm assuming so much by saying all of these, but i'm just being careful.

love,
me.

*****

something to think about:

One cannot question the existence of feelings;
they are there, raw and undeniable.
But one can choose not to nurture what is felt.
Yet, no matter what they say,
what has been felt will always be more honest than what has been chosen.
Hence, true realities are not built by the mind but by the heart.

to micole czar and da...i'm so sorry about this one.

i can't believe i am once again writing about a dream. yes, i call him a dream because i know that no matter what i do and no matter how hard i try, i will never stop liking him and will never have him either. (no pauleen, this one's a different person) i know that no matter how hard i convince myself, i will never stop liking him, for what he is, how he is and how he is toward me. i never really "dreamed" of someone like him, in fact everything i hate in this world i see in him, but it is just as if i am being drawn towards him every single time. i am at it again. i know that i gravitate towards things i cannot have, it's my nature, but i just can't make myself stop. please help me. i know that all i need is a little bump in the head and i'll be fine and dandy again. i know that i have recieved so many bumps in the head already, but i really need a really really hard one. i know that you can never be mine, i know that you would never really like me the way i want you to, i know that no matter how much i hate you i will forever love you, i know that no matter how much we fight about little things i can never win over you, i can never get over you. (GET A GIRLFRIEND NA KASI! demmit!)

*****

and oh,
congratulations to my friend

JOIICHI ODA

for winning the
Freestyle Dance Battle
during the
Philippine All-Star
Anniversary Party/Concert
last June 28, 2007

*****

congratulations din kay NIGEL at kay AYEN for winning the "BEST IN COSTUME" award nung CASP Acquaintance Party. Yehey! Two years in a row my dears! haha. sana hanggang sa Talent Show! go SP SOPHIES!

*****

and oh, thank you to the greatest guy in UPM for making us all happy! thank you so much ERIC! yehey! BLOCK 17 loves you! yehey! (sayang talaga, when you transfer to diliman, always remember that you have US in manila! we love you!)